Here without you
by Morderetfan4life
Summary: Morderet songfic. 3 doors down. Set after steak me Amadeus and Mordecai gives his point of view and explains the deep pain and heartache he's been feeling since Margaret left him. Includes lyrics to full version of here without you. T for mild violence. Oh, and in this story I talk about a chater I hate just breifly, and if you don't like what I say sorry it's how I feel.


**Yet another regular show story set after steak me Amadeus. I absolutely hate that episode the ending just ruined the whole thing and it's just so devastating. I guess even though I don't like writing stories about that episode, it's better than keeping all the pain bottled up inside of me because writing stories about it helps me get the pain out a little bit. From Mordecais' POV.**

I was trying my best to work alongside my co-worker Pops and my boss Benson, but they both noticed I was struggling, and they both knew why because they were with me that devastating night as well as my co-wrokers Muscle Man, Hi-five ghost, Skips, and Thomas. **(Yeah, I know there's somebody else, but I hate him and he's not going to be in my stories anymore. If you have a problem with that, that's just too bad and I'm sorry, I just can't stand that stupid raccoon)**

Pops asked me "Mordecai, are you thinking about, well, you know?"

I nodded and shouted in devastation and anger "YES, I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MARGARET! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAD TO GO AWAY TO COLLEGE AFTER WE'D GOTTEN SO CLOSE!"

Pops began to cry and hugged me tight saying "I can't stand to see you ths way! You're a great friend, and when I see one of my friends hurt, I feel hurt as well."

I said "I'm sorry about this, Pops. I don't mean to upset you."

Pops said to me "I'm just really worried."

Benson said to Pops "That's the way we all feel. Mordecai's our friend, actually, he's like family to us, and no one likes to see a family member hurt like this."

I said "I don't mean to make you feel worried."

Pops and Benson told me "It's alright, we understand the devastation you've been feeling lately."

I was trying so hard not to cry so Pops wouldn't get more upset, but I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I turned away and ran into the house sobbing uncontrollably and I ran up to the room I shared with Thomas, slammed the door behind me, and collapsed on my bed, sobbing hard and loud into my pillow.

Just then Thomas entered our room and we looked at each other a deep sense of devastation in my eyes and a deep sense of sympathy in the eyes of Thomas. He walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and I hugged him tight as I cried and screamed even louder.

He said to me "I'm sorry about this, dude. We haven't known each other that long, but I do know Margaret meant everything to you and that you just haven't been the same since she left."

I shouted "DUDE, THIS IS KILLING ME!"

Thomas patted me on the back and said "It's all going to be okay, man. She'll be back eventually, you just gotta keep an open mind."

I sat on my bed and said "I don't see how that's possible since my mind hasn't been wroking right since she left."

Thomas asked "Do you want help or would you rather be alone right now?"

I said "I'd like to be alone, please, but thanks for the comfort."

Thomas put his hand on my shoulder again and said "Anytime you need someone, I'm gonna be there for you." Thomas left the room and I layed my head down on my pillow. Just then the memory from my last night with Margaret came back to me. I tried to fight it with all my strength and tried to shake it out of my head as best I could, but it didn't work and I was flashing back to that horrible night.

**Flashback**

There was chaos going on between the feds and the Capicola gang, and in the midst of it all, Margaret and I crawled under a table to talk in private.

I said to Margaret "I feel like we're getting closer everyday and nobody makes me happier than you do. Margaret," I took her hands and looked deep into her eyes as I asked lovingly "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Margaet had a smile on her face which quickly faded away.

She sighed and said to me "Mordecai, there's something I need to tell you. For the first time in my life I fel like I could be in a real relationship that could actually go somwhere, but there's this," I saw Margaret holding up an acceptance letter to Milten University, a college she applied to. I was shocked as Margaret said to me "I got into my dream school. I really like you, Mordecai, and what we have is special, but I may never get this opportunity again," she began to cry as she said to me "I'm sorry, but I can't be your girlfriend."

I watched, feeling shocked and devastated, like my heart had burst into millions of peices as Margaret ran out of the restuarant crying not able to take the pain anymore. I couldn't believe what had just happened, I didn't want to believe what had just happened. I was so devastated and heartbroken, and I felt like I'd just died inside, a sharp pain inside of me, like someone jabbed a knife into my chest.

Just then I heard the leader of the Capicola gang shout "YOU KIDDING ME!? SCHOOL IS OVERRATED! I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL AND LOOK AT ME!"

The owner of the restuarant wasn't fond of the comment the robotic bear had made.

He shot a missle at them, exploded them and said "Nobody talks that way about college education in my restuarant."

**Thomas is replacing that certain raccoon I mentioned before, I'm not gonig to say his name because you all know who I'm talking about.**

Later on that night, I was sitting out on the roof of the house devastated as I watched the sunset.

Thomas came out on the roof with me and he had a sixpack of soda and he asked me "Yo, you take Margaret to the airport?"

i said, not even looking at Thomas "Yeah."

He asked me, a deep sense of sympathy in his voice "You wanna talk about it?"

I said, still not looking at him "No."

Thomas sat down beside me and handed me a can of soda which I took a sip of as we watched the sunset together.

**Flashback ends**

I burst into tears as I began to punch my bed in anger and devastation, just needing a way to let it all out. I also began punching the wall, sobbing at the top of my lungs so much I'd probably end up losing my voice. Just then I heard a knock on the door.

I asked, my voice breaking and cracking "What is it?"

Benson opened the door and said "Mordecai, I just wanted to say I really appreciate that you're trying to work and help us out, but you need time to heal right now before going back to your daily routine, so what I'm saying is you should take time off in order for your heart to heal and get back in one peice before you start working again."

I said "I don't think my heart will heal at all."

Benson hugged me and said "Yes it will, it just needs time and comfort from others in order to heal."

I pushed Benson away as gently as I could and said "I also need time to grieve by myself and I need to be alone at certain times."

Benson got up and said to me "I understand and respect that you want to be left alone right now. When you need help, come and find us, we'll all be right by your side and we won't leave until you want us to."

I said "Thanks so much, Benson, that means everything to me."

Benson left the room and I tried my best to think of better times I had with Margaret like when I dropped her off the airport to get to her college interviews on time, and as we talked I was extremely nervous, but before she got on the plane, Margaret went up to me and kissed me passionately which I felt overjoyed and stunned by. **(Picking up Margaret)**. The reason why I was so shocked when she kissed me was because the week before that, I made a bet with my co-worker Muscle Man that I'd kiss Margaret by the end of the week or I'd be forced to wear a diaper that entire week after, although if I had kissed Margaret, Muscle Man was the one to have to wear the diaper. Unfortnately, I lost the bet, I probably would've won, but Margaret found out about the bet and got angry with me. I finally admited to her I like her after all that time of keeping it bottled up inside of me. After I admitted my feelings, Margaret asked me what time it was. I checked and said it was 11:59.

Margaret held me close and it seemed like she was about to kiss me, but just before she did when she was about 3 or 4 inches away from my lips, she dodged the kiss and whispered in my ear slyly "Have a nice week, diaper boy." **(Do or diaper)**.

**Thomas also replaces that someone else in this part**

At one point, Margaret and I joined were joined by our friends Thomas and Eileen on make-out mountain to watch a meteor shower. Thomas kept teasing me about being in the friend zone with Margaret, and I kept telling him there was no such thing as the friend zone. I was wrong though because on the night of the meteor shower, Margaret and I ended up in the friend zone together. We finally got out when I worked up the courage to finally kiss her after all that time. **(Meteor moves)**

**All these memories of Mordecai and Margaret are 3 of my favorite Morderet moments from 3 of my favorite episodes.**

I smiled at the last memory and replayed that one again and again in my head. I couldn't believe I was actually smiling because I hadn't done that since Margaret left. I was happy the rest of the day, but at night I was back to my times of devastation and despar.

I was sleeping in my room, or at least trying my best to sleep, but I was picturing my final night with Margaret again, the last setence she said to "I'm sorry, but I can't be your girflriend" repeating again and again in my head. **(Reference to my least favorite episode laundry woes. This is how the episode began, with Mordecai flashing back to that devastating night, and after he first time Margaret told Mordecai what happened, it rewund and repeated the last sentence the word "girlfriend" repeated about 2 or 3 times. I've only seen that episode once, but I hate it and that is the worst part of it, that part was just so devastating, and no matter how much I wish I could just forget it, that's never going to happen.)**

I woke up and left the room, trying my best not to wake Thomas as I left. I went outside and sat at the picnic tables. I remembered a song that I'd heard a couple of time before by a group called 3 doors down. The song was called here without you. I remembered all the lyrics to the song, and while trying my best not to cry, I sang it.

**Here without you**

A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face a thousand lies have made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same but all the miles that seperate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me yeah

The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love and when the last one falls when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams and tonight girl it's only you and me

**End of here without you**

As the song ended I couldn't hold the tears back any longer and they flew out of me like a river. Just like at one point when I sang a song about my feelings for Margaret in the cart and sent it to her by mistake, I must've sat my phone by accident because what I heard was "If you're satisified with your message, press 1. To delete and re-record your message, press 2. I pressed the one and heard it say "Message sent, goodbye." **(Reference to butt dial)** I felt much better after I sent the message to Margaret because maybe after hearing it she'd realize how badly I miss her and she'd come back.

**The next day**

I was sitting in my room listening to a CD I had found which had the song here without you on it. I had the volume all the way up and at certain times I'd sing along with the song at the top of my lungs just letting all my heartache and devastation flow out of me like a river. Tears also flew out of me like a river because even though listening to this song made me feel better, it also pained me and hurt me inside because I'd always think of Margaret being so far away when I listened to the song. Just as the second verse of the song started my phone rang and I was hoping and wishing it was Margaret. I got my wish. I answered the phone and could hear crying on the other end of the line.

I asked "What's wrong, Margaret?"

Margaret was crying so hard as she tried to speak, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me.

I said to her "Margaret calm down, and when you're calm enough, tell me what's wrong."

I could hear Margaret taking deep breaths and then she calmed down a lot, but she was still crying as she said "I got the message you sent me. I'm so sorry, Mordecai, I had no idea this was going to be that difficult for you. I saw the time when you sent me the message which was 2:20 AM and I just knew you had trouble sleeping."

I said "It has been hard for me to sleep at night because I always picture our last night together in my head over and over again and it happens the most when I'm trying to sleep at night."

Margaret shouted angrily at herself "I FEEL SO HEARTLESS AND CRUEL FOR DOING THIS TO YOU AND BREAKING YOUR HEART SO BADLY!"

I said "Don't be so hard on yourself, Margaret. There was nothing that could've been done that would've changed our situation."

Margaret said "Things would be different if I'd said yes. That's exactly what I should've done that night. Sure, we'd be in a long distance relationship, which don't normally work out, but you wouldn't be so devastated and you wouldn't feel like you do now if I'd said yes to you that night."

I said to her "Margaret, I know you didn't mean for this to happen, and even though I'm upset that you're gone, it's not your fault and I'm not mad at you. Please don't be mad at yourself, and don't be so hateful to yourself for doing this. You were only following your dreams, which is something lots of people don't have the courage to do."

Margaret sniffled and asked me hopefully "So what you're saying is you forgive me for doing this?"

I said "Yes I forgive you, Margaret. Please do the same and try to find the courage to forgive yourself and not be mad anymore."

Margaret said "I don't think I can forgive myself, but I know what I can do and what I must do," I heard Margaret getting into her closet and packing her suitcases. She finally stopped crying and said to me "I'm coming home, Mordecai. I'm coming home to you and I'm not looking back. My real one and only dream is to be with you and to have you be my special someone who will always make me feel happy and wonderful."

I said excitedly "Wow, I'm so glad you're coming home!"

Margaret said to me "I know how much you need me and how much you love me. I love you with all my heart as well."

I said "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I do love you with all my heart, Margaret, and I just can't wait for you to be back home with me."

**That evening**

I was waiting for Margaret at the airport, and when she got off her plane we ran into each others arms crying happily.

I said to her "I'm so happy you're finally home."

Margaret said to me "I promise I'm never leaving you ever again, Mordecai. I'll never do anything to break your heart ever again."

I kissed Margaret as passionately as I could and wiped the tears from my eyes as well as hers and said "I'm never going to let go of you ever again."

We kissed again and held each other tight before walking out to the car as we held hands.

**I really wish something like this would actually happen in regular show where Margaret would finally realize what a huge mistake she made when she left Mordecai and she'd go back to him, promising to never leave his side ever again. That would take away all my pain about what happened at the end of season 4, not that I'd ever watch the episode again because I wouldn't want to remind myself why I was so upset, but I'd feel much better if Margaret would just realize how badly she hurt Mordecai, how much Mordecai loves and needs her, and she'd realize that she needs to go back home and be with Mordecai.**


End file.
